His Peace

EucharistThe power of the Presence of Jesus in the Eucharist never ceases to overwhelm me. How one moment I can be lost at sea with temptation, anxious to get home from church so I can voraciously dig back into my sin; how I can’t keep my eyes off women, and don’t really want to; how I can be feeling like hell, smothering under the weight of depression, feeling not a bit the presence of God in my life, entertaining the thought that all of this is bogus, all too aware that I’m not living my life as if I really believed in Him, so maybe I don’t really believe at all…

Receiving Him, going back to my pew, kneeling; not really feeling anything. Oh, well. It’s not about whether I feel anything or not; my faith is not built on feeling. Sometimes I am just depressed. I can’t expect to feel something all the time…

And then the next moment, out of nowhere — total peace. All of my despondent thoughts laid to rest. All of my hurts, all of my fears, laid down. My temptations: Suddenly I find myself bowing before the Almighty. Those sins slipping from my humbled hands, being laid on the altar. Those things I wanted to do seem so insignificant now, before His grace. And I am overwhelmed. Someone is here, with me, inside me. I feel my mind, my heart being conformed to Him. Becoming Him. His flesh is my flesh; His mind, my mind.

I tell myself this is just something psychological; that I feel these things because I want to feel these things; that I lay down my sins because I want to lay them down. But that moment: Even when my faith is at its lowest, He overwhelms me. Every single time.

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2 thoughts on “His Peace”

  1. Stay strong my friend!

    Thank you for sharing…

    ” For I know the plans I have for you “, declares the Lord, ” plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
    Jeremiah 29:11-13 NIV

  2. My addiction is food. Can’t exactly go cold turkey. I can throw out the temptation if I got a gigantic box of extra sugary cereal. You have to lock your computer to the bad stuff. Those unclothed folks are not really with you. Jesus is. God has a plan for you. He may even have a wife for you someday. But, you have to change for Him, her and yourself. Keep up the prayers. Avoid all the near occasions of sin. Cut off bad friendships. Guys who are not pure, or women who are not pure, you should stay away from. Pray to God for good friends. Catholic friends. Get out of yourself and help at a local church function or soup kitchen. Reading the “Lives of the Saints” or watching a good Family Friendly MOVIE OR TV CHANNEL is the only way to go. I’ll pray for you.

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