So, I think, I passed the first barrier. Day 40 was Sunday. That made it much easier to deal with: Sunday is a day of family and most of all the Eucharist of Our Lord. I am overwhelmed every time — every single time — by how much strength He brings me. How His very Presence transforms me.
Yesterday was Day 42, six weeks. It was difficult, more difficult than any day so far. But then there was Adoration. And for an hour, I sat before the Blessed Sacrament, and the rays of the Son burned away all my hurt, my pride, my fear.
Today the anxiety is almost paralyzing — and my usual method of self-medication is calling like an old friend. Chamomile tea hits the spot and dulls the panic; but I think I would drift off to sleep if I drank it continuously. Only a couple hours left — until I can receive Our Lord at Mass again.
Please pray for me, my brothers and sisters.