One flesh

(c) Argo74 | Dreamstime.com
(c) Argo74 | Dreamstime.com

Day 38.

I’m continuing to stand, by His grace and His grace alone, since the remarkable events of Easter. No, I’m still not ready to share them — but soon.

I haven’t had a great deal of temptation, until today. There have been days that have been harder than others — and today I am facing something substantial. Yesterday I happened to run into a girl at a social gathering with whom I was intimate once. I hadn’t seen her in years, and in my mind I thought of her only as a dear friend, and that it was good to see her — but I guess my body picked up on something my mind didn’t quite grasp. At the end of the gathering, she sought me out to tell me goodbye and give me a hug — and my body responded in a more than friendly way.

I’ve been celibate for several years. Lately I’ve been thinking more and more that my vocation might include celibacy. I just haven’t thought that much about women or relationships or sex; I’ve been seeking higher things. But every time I’ve nearly convinced myself that I’m just not interested at all, something like yesterday happens.

I suppose it’s true what Scripture teaches, what we of the Church believe, that in having sexual union with someone the two become “one flesh” (1 Corinthians 6:15-20). In a true, sacramental marriage, in which both partners give themselves wholly, such a bond becomes unbreakable — but even in what was, at the time, I thought, a “casual” relationship, it seems I formed a bond with this girl that goes deep into my heart. It’s the same with every girl I’ve been with — even the ones for whom I’ve insisted I feel nothing, or for whom I should have animosity otherwise. Sex was made for love. No matter what the culture insists, it can’t be truly separated from what it was intended for: creating life; forming families; forging strong bonds between mother and father and child.

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