Today has been pretty tempting — and it corresponds exactly to having opened up my other computer. It’s a very odd thing, but I’ve only ever “gotten into trouble” (looked at porn or done anything else unseemly) on that computer — which, ironically enough, I named AGNES when I bought her years ago, praying I would never abuse her in the ways I abused my previous computer. Alas, as soon as my “old” computer became my “no longer functional” computer, AGNES became my vehicle for porn and other nastiness.
I suppose, naturally, it had to have a vehicle, and she was the only one I had at that time. But when I got my new-new computer, I segregated that part of my life only to AGNES. And the only times I’ve been able to resist temptation at all, lately, have been when AGNES was closed and put away. My files and things are currently strewn between the two computers, and I needed to boot up AGNES today to get some stuff. And immediately the temptation assailed me; nearly overcame me; and immediately upon closing her again just now, the temptation went away.
It’s often occurred to me that maybe AGNES is “possessed” or held by some dark energy that leads me into temptation by its nature. I’ve wondered — especially when I’ve made bold declarations about casting this mess off — if I should take her in to be blessed and exorcised by a priest, or at least anoint her with holy water myself here at home. In my right mind, I think that’s kind of silly; but I admit that I don’t know what goes on in the spiritual plane of things. Though I tend to be somewhat of a skeptic, more and more I’m realizing that there is a battle in the heavenlies for and around our souls; powers and principalities that we cannot see or understand. What if, through repeatedly opening such dark doors upon her and through her, I’ve given AGNES into the hands of those powers?
Anyway, I need to put her back in the bag and back in the closet.